Harry Potter and What Daufq Did I Just Do?!

“Eternal glory! That’s what awaits the student who wins the Triwizard Tournament, but to do this, that student must survive three tasks. Three extremely dangerous tasks.” That was the statement made by the headmaster of Hogwarts at the commencement of the introduction to the games.

According to the Harry Potter Wiki, the Triwizard tournament was a magical competition that consisted of 3 dangerous tasks. The official timeline states that the tournament was discontinued in 1792 because too many young wizards were being killed. And then in 1994, during the events of the 4th Harry Potter movie, the tournament was revived with the restriction in place that any contestants must be over the age of 17 in order to compete. In theory, once you have reached this age in the wizarding world you have learned enough magic and survival skills to mitigate dying in this tournament.

Makes perfect sense to me. Assuming I lived in the magical world I wouldn’t want my kid competing in a tournament that has a history of killing off competitors. Picture us living in ancient Rome- would you want your kid’s school putting your teenager into a ring with a hungry lion? Think of kids in school today competing with other schools for anything… but chances are some will die. Would NEVER happen.

I have seen this movie multiple times, with multiple people and it has never lost its charm. I always considered it unique among the series because the perils in the movie were not specifically tied to the grand “Voldemort is coming” plot against Harry, but were due to a series of events happening to an entire tournament completely unrelated. That is until the end where Harry and Cedric get magically sucked to Voldemort’s location.

But I watched it from a completely different mindset last night and I think I just ruined it. Disclaimer- I was stoned last night. REALLY stoned. Since cannabis has been legalized here in Canada, we have been experimenting with oils and making brownies.

I didn’t think I had a lot last night, but holy balls was I high A.F!

There was an episode of The Big Bang Theory where Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Arc by pointing out that Indy was irrelevant to the entire story. From start to finish, the events that unfolded would have been the same regardless of his involvement. The Nazis still would have opened the arc at the end of the movie, they all would have died and it still would have been locked up in the secret warehouse. I think I just discovered the same plot hole in Goblet of Fire. Only worse…

Let’s start with taking Harry Potter out of the movie. The tournament would have unfolded naturally with the three contestants instead of 4. The three champions would have all beaten their dragons in the first event and gotten the magic eggs. No worries there. Even if Harry wasn’t there to tell Cedric about the dragons, let’s assume that because he is over 17 he is smart enough and strong enough to have gotten past his dragon without foreknowledge it was there.

Second task, the lake. Once again without the presence of our favorite wizard the event would have ended with Cedric and Viktor freeing their friends but Fleur lost out early meaning her sister would have presumably been left in the lake to die. Only Fleur DID make it out of the lake somehow… how and why? If the Tournament had a history of students dying when they weren’t good enough to finish the event, and she didn’t finish the event- why didn’t she die? Re-read Dumbledore’s quote at the beginning- the “student must survive…”

Let’s stop and just assume that this is “modern times” and the schools didn’t want to actually have kids die. Morals and stuff. Now if the students know they are in no “real danger”, where is the actual challenge? What are the consequences? If death is not the consequence than failure to move on in the tournament must be the punishment for failing to finish, right?

Except Fleur was able to compete in the final round involving the maze.

Moving on… Fleur is once again the first to lose being swallowed up by the foliage. Again, she doesn’t die. A moot point at this rate because she shouldn’t have been there anyways. Now assuming Potter is NOT involved to send up the red sparks for her, she gets swallowed up and because of morals and stuff, the teachers have her brought back to the starting gate. You have been eliminated, (twice now), you are done. As a lovely parting gift here is your sister back, alive and well.

Cedric and Viktor are the only two left in the maze. Ignoring the fact that Viktor had been hexxed for some reason… Cedric eventually gets past Viktor who ends up swallowed by the shrubbery and then Cedric himself succumbs to the succulents. Then what? Again, accounting for modern times and morals, they won’t allow the kids to actually die so they end up like Fleur, awaiting at the finish line.

So nobody wins the tournament?

On the Harry Potter Wiki, Cedric and Harry are listed as joint-winners in the tournament, despite Cedric being dead. That means last player competing wins the cup regardless of vital signs. So Cedric wins anyways. Harrys involvement meant absolutely nothing to the events of the tournament.

At the end of the movie, there is no fanfare or celebration for Harry actually winning the first tournament of it’s kind in two centuries. The entire population of Hogwarts is more excited to cheer on the other schools as they depart rather than spend any time congratulating their champion, let alone mourning the death of a classmate. Even if you consider “modern times and morality”, this tournament hasn’t been conducted in 202 years. No kid has died in this game in over 200 years and now, the first time they do it again a child has died. Why would anyone be celebrating at all, let alone the fanfare at the end of the film.

I get it, it’s a movie and there will always be plot holes. I have never been the kind of person to waste time on plot holes- especially if I like the movie or it entertains me in the least. But this is the first time I have watched a beloved movie while high and suddenly I am not sure I ever want to repeat it. How many other great movies could I potentially ruin for myself by watching them stoned?

I was never a pot smoker, druggie, drinker or anything like that growing up. I was a pretty good kid and as an adult I think I am pretty straight laced. Experimenting with THC oils has been very entertaining from the viewpoint of someone who grew up under the “say no to drugs” campaigns of the 80’s and 90’s, especially considering how marijuana heavy those ads were. If they really wanted to scare us off drugs, maybe that should have been the message.

“Don’t do pot or it will ruin your favorite movies!!”

I have had many friends over the years who were (and still are) pot-heads and they always went on about how much it enhanced their experiences of things. Working high, drinking high, having sex high, watching movies high- all completely different experiences under the effects of weed. And it presumably affects everyone differently.

For the most part, my sense of time is all messed up when I am high. A song seems to last forever… I feel I spend WAY too long drying my hands or reading simple instructions. Of course it’s all in my head but the sensation is there. Now every time I get high I look forward to the sensation of losing time like that. My worry is that now every time I get high and watch a movie, all of the plot holes are going to be screaming at me and forcing me to no longer enjoy the movie but to pick out all of the inconsistencies and improbabilities. And I don’t want that! Nobody should want that!

I have always lived my life by the credence that I will try anything twice to make sure the first time wasn’t a fluke, and this will be no different. I will watch another beloved movie while high just to see if it happens again. The problem is which movie do I choose to potentially destroy for myself? Suggestions..?

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